My Mum didn't like the sound of her voice on recordings when we were kids. I didn't know why. It sounded the same as usual to me. And I loved to imagine hearing my own voice reading all the stories I wrote to make sure they came out right.
My Mum didn't used to like the way she looked in photographs either. But I learned to understand that recently when I joined the "Meeting the God of America" project. On the web site my photograph is reflected, to make me look at the writing instead of away. It feels wrong and I cringe when I see it. But it must be the same as the image I look at in mirrors every day. I guess I just grew up more accustomed to photographs than Mum did.
Still, going back to voices, I think I'm finally sharing my mother's dismay. I've started writing book reviews, and as soon as they're posted I always think there's something I want to change. There was I thinking writing could always be fixed by second thoughts. Then I became a contributor to "Poetic Monthly magazine" where I'm meant to write a column every month. I write and I edit and I read and I write and I listen to the voice in my head and it seems to sound all right. And then I send it off...
When I see my column in print I find I've grown up just like my Mum. I really don't like the sound of my voice on the page.